On life’s doors?
I’ve been feeling as though I’m stuck in limbo at the moment. The car is now paid off, the loan is done in a few months and throughout the past 5 or so years I’ve been waiting for this point to get my life going. It’s what direction that’s been making me stall. When I spoke to a friend this week she said that perhaps if I’m not getting any solid answers on my future, that to pray that God will close some doors instead.
With that thought in mind, and my complete lack of patience, I figured I should start knocking on doors and see which ones are closed, and which ones aren’t.
Ok, perhaps in all honesty it won’t be a simple knock. I’ll probably add a few kicks to be sure.
Here’s what’s on the go, and what’s in my mind.
Work. Where I work is ok. It’s tough and I’d rather not spend the rest of my life there. Without the loan to pay off I could theoretically quit and get a job that pays less but that won’t give me much wiggle room if my living situation were to change. I have sent out a few applications recently, one quite far north, but so far nothing has come back.
School. From the frustration of trying to find a new job and realizing I have zero training and only experience, I applied for a technical school within the city. Surprisingly I got in. It’s conditional though as the class itself is full. I’m on a shortlist for if space becomes available and it would be a two year course. I’d have to apply for a government loan which as I’m not finished my other loan quite yet, I’m not sure if that would go through easily. The other option is to wait a year, spend the fall examining each course and degree offered to choose one that I would do great at, something that I would find interesting, and ultimately something I could walk out of with a degree that would get me a good job. I’d prefer the two year degree as I’m not getting any younger and want to get things on the go! I’m still doing distance education through the bible college but not entirely sure what job I could get with a degree in Christian Studies. I’d need a secondary degree and I’m not sure that my original idea of going into counselling may not be a smart idea for me.
Home. Where I live is good rent even if it is challenging to live with the others in the same house. I’m mostly left to myself which I appreciate, but I feel as though someone within the house is always trying to pick a fight or create a reaction from me which I refuse to do. I pretty much just want to be left alone. Do I try to get a mortgage and buy my own place? It’s been a dream for so long but I had hoped I would be planning a life with someone by the time that happened.
No home? Here’s the odd question. What if I’m not supposed to have a home? I’ve thought about mission work before, but what if that is something I should look into? How would I start? Where would I start? Is that something I could do? I’d love to travel, see different parts of the world, and I have felt an urge to give up everything. I feel comfortable right now with my amount of ‘stuff’ and I know that if a situation arose where I would have to give it all up, I could. For some reason over these last few years I’ve gained peace about this. The big unknown is could I actually do this?
And the last awkward point… the future husband. Is there one? A friend and I joked that given we were the same age and in the same situation, we would try the whole online dating thing in September. Given my earlier stated patience (or lack thereof) I don’t know if I have any remaining to deal with the online dating scene. Is there a matchmaker option? Why aren’t arranged marriages common anymore? If I’m not meant to be married is there a way this door can be closed so I don’t spend the next few years wondering?
While this isn’t exhaustive, these are some of the questions I’ve been asking and some of the paths I’ve been following in the last few months. What will happen over the next few months is anyone’s guess but I’m hoping that by knocking (and pounding) on a few doors I’ll at least have an idea over what door is closed firmly, what is open a crack and what could be wide open.